Holding Sorrow and Joy

In a practice for one of my Master’s program classes this week, I noticed that I felt a sense of shame at not being adequate to the immense needs of our planet and our children.

I felt a deep sense of desperation that nothing I am doing or will do will ever be enough.

Have any of you ever felt those feelings?

Yesterday, I was blessed to spend time in the forest at Hawthorn Farm, and as I sat with those feelings, I found myself weeping with pain and sadness.

After some time with those deep feelings and their expression in tears, this poem arose:

Weeping in frustration
and sorrow – finally
drained of tears (for now).

I open my eyes and breathe in
the scent of mushrooms exploding
in slow motion out
of the moist earth.

Breezes stirring
in the trees and freeing
the many-colored leaves
to do their final dance
to the welcoming forest floor.

Clouds of so many shapes scuttering
across the deep blue
creating moving fake mountains over
the newly snow-dusted Olympic range.

Out of sorrow, joy. 
Out of tears, prayers.
Out of suffering, gladness.
Out of darkness, light.

I hold
sorrow, tears, suffering, darkness
In my left hand.
I hold
joy, prayer, gladness, light
In my right.

Together they make me whole.
Together they fill my soul.